


you will never know (what's inside my skull)

by frozenproof



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, basically a short warmup thing i wrote to understand nathan better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 20:19:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4759649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frozenproof/pseuds/frozenproof
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>wherein nathan thinks about stuff and is probably sad</p>
            </blockquote>





	you will never know (what's inside my skull)

**Author's Note:**

> i dont expect this to get kudos or any feedback but if it does thats cool
> 
> beware of spoilers, if u havent played through episode 4 ur gonna be spoiled. there are some major self-deprecation and self-blaming here, read carefully. title from anathema by twenty one pilots

Maybe he was an asshole.

Maybe everybody hated him and his asshole-y ways, and they all have their reasons to hate him, and he deserves it.

He deserves all of it.

There are a lot of things Nathan has fucked up in his lifetime. Rachel, Kate... even Chloe that one night. But, wait - no.

They're the ones who deserved it, right?

Right?

He couldn't have known the extent of what Mr. Jefferson did to them, he's - he's totally fine. He's good. Nathan's good.

Fuck, who is he kidding? He's fucking filthy. Disgusting. Everyone points the finger at him, everybody just automatically assumes that he's the one to blame, because they all hate him. No one cares - nobody. Not his asshole father - if he can even call him that - not Victoria, not that hipster bitch Max, and certainly not her groupies, that geek Warren and Chloe.

Why can't he be the one in control? He's the boss. His family owns the town - everyone should fucking bow down to him.

Yeah, right. Who could bow down to a disgusting, asshole, dickwad of a human being he is. Is he even human anymore? Can his piece of shit, worthless body be considered something that's living? He's breathing, but he already feels dead. Like a walking corpse, with strings attached to his limbs, puppeteering his every move.

Sometimes he doesn't know who he is anymore. 

Sometimes, he'll look in the mirror, and he doesn't know what creature he's looking at. Whatever it is, it looks fucking atrocious. 

Maybe so many people have treated him like he's some kind of bug to be rid of, that he's started to believe it too.

Sometimes, he'll look in the mirror and see Nathan. Not Vortex Club party animal Nathan Prescott, not that monster that everybody thinks he is, not Nathan Prescott, son of Sean Prescott, just... Nathan. 

Nathan looks fragile. Broken down. Nathan looks like he's on the cusp of going over the edge at all times, and maybe he is. Maybe he's going crazy. Maybe one day he'll conform to what people think he is, and finally snap.

But he can't. He can't do it, no matter how much he just wants to give in and do what everyone wants him to do, to make everything easier, to become the person everybody thinks he is.

He just wants to be free. From all of it, really. He wants to be free of that fucking creepy, perverted freak Jefferson, wants to be free of the guilt that constantly eats him alive, whether it be in the form of Rachel or Kate, he wants to be free of his stupid fucking reputation that he's built up, wants to be free from all the assumptions and expectations everybody has for him.

He wants to be free from his father.

Except he doesn't know how, he doesn't know how to do anything except make a situation worse. After everything he's done, he deserved some kind of punishment. Maybe if he received one, he would feel... atonement. At least for everything that he helped Jefferson with.

He would have gladly accepted the beatdown Warren seemed so eager to give him. He deserved it, after all. But then fucking Max, savior of Blackwell, had to stop Warren. Why couldn't Nathan just have this one thing? Why couldn't he just lay down and get whatever punishment everybody knew he deserved? It could have made everyone happy. Maybe it could even ended it.

All of it.

Well, if that happened, then it wouldn't be a punishment would it? It'd be more like a reward at that point. 

God, he's an asshole. No wonder everybody hates him.

He looks at the mirror again, and wishes that he could turn back time, to fix everything that he's done.

He wishes he could fix himself.


End file.
